Separation anxiety at bedtime

This guide is general information only and isn't a substitute for medical advice. If you're concerned about your child's health, or they're unwell, please see a doctor.

Bedtime is a separation, and for a stretch of childhood that is genuinely hard. A baby or toddler who was fine going down last month now clings, cries when you leave the room, and wakes wanting you. This is developmental, it is normal, and it does pass.

When it happens

Separation anxiety can start at around 6 to 7 months and reaches its peak at about 14 to 18 months. It usually eases gradually across early childhood. Red Nose describes separation anxiety as a normal developmental stage occurring between about 7 and 20 months of age.

It makes sense from a survival point of view: babies start moving around at this age, and a child who wasn't bothered about being left behind would be at more risk.

What helps at bedtime

• Build extra connection into the wind-down: a slower routine, a bit more cuddle time, less rush.
• Keep the goodbye consistent and confident. A long, anxious exit tends to raise the stakes rather than lower them.
• Respond to genuine distress, but keep overnight visits short, calm and boring.
• Practise brief separations during the day, so leaving the room isn't only something that happens in the dark.

A note on comfort items

Older infants and toddlers may find comfort in a soft toy or comforter to ease separation anxiety. Red Nose's guidance runs in three parts: strongly avoid any soft toys or comforters from birth to seven months; from seven months, parents can weigh up the risks and benefits of a small soft toy; and either way, keep nothing in the sleep space with baby for the first 12 months. If you do introduce one after seven months, Red Nose advises it should meet Australian safety standards, be small, not pillow-like, and have no long fabric attachments.

Hold the line kindly

The instinct is to fix it by staying until they're asleep, or bringing them into your bed. Both work in the moment and both can outlast the phase that caused them. Warm, boring consistency is usually the shortest path through: reassure, don't rebuild bedtime, and expect it to ease within weeks rather than days. If your child's distress seems extreme or is not improving over a long period, it is worth raising with your GP or child and family health nurse.

A short, predictable goodbye ritual helps: the same phrase, the same kiss, the same order, every night. Children this age are reassured by knowing exactly what happens next, and a goodbye that is identical every time is far less unsettling than one that varies with your mood or your patience.

Sources

• Raising Children Network, Separation anxiety
• Red Nose Australia, Soft toys and comforters
• Raising Children Network, Baby sleep 2 to 12 months

Last updated: July 2026. Sources include Red Nose Australia and Raising Children Network where cited above. This guide is general information only. For individual concerns, see your GP or child health nurse.