Keeping grandparents and other carers consistent

This guide is general information only and isn't a substitute for medical advice. If you're concerned about your child's health, or they're unwell, please see a doctor.

You've spent weeks getting sleep working, and then your child spends a weekend with grandparents and comes home a different sleeper. This is one of the most common complaints in parenting, and it has two very different halves: the safety half, which is not negotiable, and the routine half, which is.

The safety half comes first

Safe sleep advice applies to every sleep, day and night, with every carer, not just the ones you supervise. Grandparents in particular may have raised their own children under different advice, and the guidance has changed substantially.

Make sure anyone who settles your baby knows: always place baby on their back to sleep, not the tummy or side; keep baby's face and head uncovered; provide a safe sleeping environment with a safe cot, safe mattress and safe bedding; keep baby smoke free; and sleep baby in their own safe sleep space.

The things most often got wrong

• Tummy sleeping, because "you slept on your tummy and you were fine". The advice changed for good reason.
• Pillows, soft toys, bumpers and loose bedding in the cot, all of which are suffocation hazards. Red Nose recommends nothing in the sleep space for the first 12 months.
• Falling asleep on the couch holding the baby, which is always unsafe.
• Tilting or propping the mattress for reflux or a cold, which is not recommended.
• Over-bundling. Dress baby for the room temperature, as you would dress yourself, with head and face uncovered.

How to have the conversation

Lead with the guidance, not with criticism. "The advice has changed since we were babies" lands far better than "you're doing it wrong". Red Nose has printable brochures and a Safe Sleep Advice Line, and handing over a source is easier than being the expert yourself.

The routine half: pick your battles

Write down the essentials on one page: rough timings, the order of the wind-down, what your child sleeps in, and how you settle. Ask for the sleep space and the settling approach to be consistent, and let the rest go. An extra story at Grandma's will not undo your work. A weekend of being rocked to sleep might, so that's the one to be clear about.

Expect a couple of unsettled nights after a stay away, and return to your normal routine straight away rather than negotiating with the new one.

Sources

• Red Nose Australia, Six safe sleep recommendations
• Red Nose Australia, Soft toys and comforters
• Red Nose Australia, Co-sleeping with your baby

Last updated: July 2026. Sources include Red Nose Australia and Raising Children Network where cited above. This guide is general information only. For individual concerns, see your GP or child health nurse.